A bone to pick

Look - I don't mind roughing it. I mean the Half Share comes from Essex so I know what hardship is all about. But when I am an elite athlete I expect to be treated with the hard-earned respect I like to think I've earned.

So, Mr Roland Branston. The next time you ask me to star in your London Marathon a few hints - or I wont use your flippin' pickle again.

1. I didn’t see Paul Radcliffe queuing with the ordinary people for their number - so why did I have to?

2. You apparently spent £150,000 flying in some foreign runners from Africa. So, was it too much to expect an Oyster card? Or a couple of quid petrol money for Ernie's van?



3. My number is 24,000 and something - so who Roland, is wearing Number 1 then?

4. My sponsor's gift pack appeared to be the same as everybody else's - packet of crisps made by some company nobody has ever heard of, a packet of seed stuff, a cereal bar that'll take me a fortnight to chew through, some girly spray stuff and an apple. Now seriously Mr Branston - is that what the Kenyans are having? Is that what you really consider a quality gift to an Olympic champion in the offing?

5.No red carpet for me. Well OK, there was a red carpet - in fact the whole bally place was covered in red carpet - but OTHER PEOPLE WERE WALKING ON IT MR BRANSTON!! That was supposed to be my red carpet.

6. No private dining facilities - I had to sit with an old bloke with wind problem and eat a plastic bowl of pasta and an apple. Hardly Hoot Cuisine eh Roland? Hardly Gordon Blue I would suggest?

7. I know you're a busy man - what with your record shop and pickle factory. But could you not have spared just a couple of minutes to say 'hello'? First of all I had the humiliating experience of queuing with ordinary people - and yes that did include women, Roland - and then when I got to the front of the queue guess what? You're right. Only two of the four people on the desk recognised me.

8. No free costume. I'm really miffed about this. I bet you gave all them Kenyans and Ethiopians a load of fancy dress stuff to wear - but all I got was a red rain mac.

9. My shoe manufacturers weren’t there. Oh yes, you have your fancy-dan-fancy-pants Adidoss and Asucks - but, come on - no Dunlop Green Flash? A big doo doo I'm afraid Roland.

So, all in all Ronettes I'm not best pleased with this London Marathon bloke at the moment.

I didn’t get treated like this in Hastings.

Keep on tapering.

Ron.