The problem with elitism

Mentally I'm now completely focused on that Gold Medal in 2012.

OK, physically I could do with a bit of an MOT, but it’s nothing that can't be sorted with a couple of weeks of salads and Cup-a-Soups. I've now got my own posh kit – though obviously I’m hoping to get my official Elite Athletes stuff soon. So all that is needed now to support my push towards Olympic glory is the support mechanism you'd expect an international runner of my class to have and I presume that this will all be provided in due course by the chaps who run the Elite squad.

I decided to check their website to see exactly how I proceed with getting my name down for kit, training, an agent, freebies etc and there appears to be three levels of Elite Athlete. There's the World Class Podium for those who have already got Olympic titles under their belt - I presume this refers to people like Lord Coe and Fanny Blankers Cohen; then there's World Class Development for those who are three to six years away from Olympic glory (which, I think is a category unique to the Brits, for those who are happy to finish as also rans. Such as our swimmers and field athletes). Then there's the category which appears to refer to athletes like myself. They call it World Class Talent and it's supposed to be for athletes considered to be gifted and motivated and who show the potential for a podium finish. I've a slight worry about that reference to podium so let me reassure you, this kiddie isn't lowering his sights.

As far as I'm concerned, there only one step on a podium and that's the one slightly raised and in the middle. Those two on the left and right are purely for the cameras. And Canadians.

Anyway, back to the website and curiosity got the better of me so I clicked on the list of "athletes" (and I use that term very sparingly) who are included in this programme to see whether my name was there yet and do you know - I've never heard of one of them! I do find that slightly worrying because, if things stay as they are, I’m going to be stuck with a bunch of nobodies! Now, correct me if I'm wrong but I thought the purpose of being elite was to be ahead of the best not just ahead of the rest. Not to put too fine a point on it, I’ll be a household name stuck with a load of … well ... who are they for God’s sake??

I know it’s cruel – but winning is a tough game. Am I right? Of course I am! So why on earth they've padded the list with a bunch of losing ne'er do well's God only knows but I'll tell you one thing, they'd better be on their mettle when this buddy turns up for his track suit fitting. I'm a winner and want nothing to do with a load of 'potential finalists' or 'runners-up' or 'game performers' who run 'out of their skins' or to their 'full potential'. Only to come second last.

Of course I blame the blokes that run it - it’s not the poor kids fault. Their so-called ‘performance objectives’ are all wrong. They are asking for 'potential podium finishers' to be part of their squad. And what does ‘potential’ mean? Well, in my book ‘potential’ means ‘not a winner’. Potential? It's a cop out! It means a bunch of silvers and bronzes at best. Silver? Bronze? Pah! Might as well be made of plastic in my eyes.

Have you ever really thought about the power of winning? Do you really know how much better than silver and bronze a gold medal is?

Let’s go forward in time for a minute shall we? To the summer of 2012. It's the penultimate day of the London Olympic Games and its marathon day. Now, unfortunately, the UK team haven't had a good games. In fact they've only secured one solitary bronze medal – probably for shooting something. And so, as the athletes line up for the start of the marathon, the UK languishes in 184th place with that one bronze. True, we'd be 163rd but for the fact that we begin with 'U' - but, hey, that's life. Why do you think Burkina Faso changed its name from Upper Volta?

But 2 hours and a couple of minutes later what's changed? I'll tell you what’s changed sunshine. We've only gone and shot up to 34th in the medal table. Why? Because my Gold Medal puts the UK way above the also rans - countries like Belgium who win 18 silvers and 22 bronze's are now below us because of my single Gold medal! It's as simple as that. The power of Gold you see?

I shall be writing to the Senior Edam at UK Athletics to tell him exactly what I think of them setting out to recruit losers and I’ll be hammering home a few home truths too. I pull no punches when it comes to ambition and I'll be offering them my ideas on how to recruit the best to get the best.

I'll let you know when they reply.

Anyway it's back to the schedule. Don’t forget that if you're in Ashford on Sunday don't feel embarrassed - I'm always happy to sign autographs or pose for a photograph. My reputation is apparently spreading far and wide and the organisers tell me that because of my appearance they are expecting around a thousand runners on the day. And that's great. I do think it important that we continue to encourage the social joggers and your average club runners - because, who knows? I've shown them that it is possible to achieve star status and notoriety - so there's a ray of hope, even for them.

The local Kent rag hasn’t been in touch yet but no doubt, like all small newspapers and parish mags it’s staffed by a bunch of lazy old soaks sitting around doing Sodukus until deadline day, so I’m expecting a last minute request for an interview. Mind you, it’s not all a bed of roses for us chaps in the media spotlight, you know. Take last night. I was in the middle of a series of anal crunch exercises in the local park, watched by a small crowd of kids and a policeman, when Haille-Minogue my eldest Cash Drainer arrives to say that a chap from Sky was on the phone. I dashed home and put on my best media voice only to find some Scottish oik trying to flog me a subscription!

Such is the price of fame.

Yours, with feet firmly on the strasse.

Keep on tapering.

Ron