Brussels Pouts

Thought I'd tell you about my rather eventful visit to Brussels in midweek.

I was over there for a spot of R & R and found the chance to pass up a couple of glasses in the home of Leffe just too much to resist.

We arrived by Eurostar and as the weather was rather Northern, I found myself in a bar full of Germans. Irritatingly they thought I was some Welsh bloke because they kept shouting 'Morgan' at me, but this apart the place was quite pleasant. As I sat there quaffing the Lovely Juice my eyes were drawn to a rather smart Ferrari that pulled up outside the front door - and out pops this long-legged blonde stunner. When she entered the bar the Germans were silenced and they started the old Euro-drool - but I was shocked when this pretty thing proceeded to order a coffee - in perfect English!

She was one of ours.

I thought I'd impress her with some of my Ron one fingered press-ups and the tactic produced results when she asked if I'd care to join her! I have to say she was a pretty filly and I’m afraid I became captivated with her as she told me her story.

Turns out the girl was a smuggler! A real life smuggler - and she was so brazen about it. Apparently her trick was to smuggle precious stones from the diamond capital of Europe - Antwerp - into the UK where she then had some scam to shift the things to a couple of dodgy jewellers.

"But surely you draw attention to yourself with the fast car and the designer gear" I said. "No" she said "Because I hide the diamonds in a place where the Customs people don't look".

I was getting more and more intrigued and my curiosity turned to incredulity as she explained her modus operandi. She told me that she smuggled the diamonds by encrusting them on to yo-yo's - and to demonstrate, out of her handbag, she produced this child's yo-yo and, sure enough, it was studded with thousands of pounds worth of diamonds and other precious stones!

"But I still don't get it" I said "How do you manage to get the things past the Customs people?". "Easy" she says "Us girls have a little pocket that you boys don't have – and that’s where I hide the yo-yo"

I was stunned "What you put it .... up there?" I stammered, pointing towards her naught bits.

"Yup" she says "And I leave the bit of string showing - and then when I get home, I slip out of my undies and, with one tug of the string the diamonds are mine"

"Aaah - but what if they did a body search?" I countered.

"Listen, sweetie, I've been body-searched a dozen times" she said coolly and, with a long, sleeky pull on her cigarette, turned to me and whispered "But I still haven't come across a Customs Numptie brave enough to pull that string"

You do see life don't you?

Keep on tapering.

Ron