Wheels and things

I'm sorry fans but there are times when priorities dictate that I can't always be here to talk to you. Now, you know that this kiddie is pretty much 24/7 available for you. After all you’re the people that will help carry me to Olympic glory. But I've had a bad few days and I'm afraid to say the wheels have come off the Ron bandwagon somewhat.

It all started with the euphoria of my post-Hastings efforts and I continued my strict regime of training and healthy living right up until last Friday when I finally completed my first 20 mile training run of the year. Now I don't know how many of you have actually run this distance but let me tell you something - it's a chuffing long way. But your man here did OK - and by last Friday night I was basking in the glory of my achievement.

Then, last weekend I had to go to France for a top secret meeting with some potential commercial partners and whilst there I naturally took the opportunity to re-hydrate with a couple of decent doses of Leffe. As most other top athletes will tell you, rest is just as important as training - so I took this on board and rested till the early hours in the company of some decent chaps.

But, to be honest, since arriving back in the UK I've had some problems with the old pins - and my legs have been giving me a bit of trouble. So I decided to have what we athletes call a Recovery Week. This has involved a strict routine with plenty of Guinness, some Cornish Pasties and a couple of pizzas - and guess how I feel? Yup - duff's the word. I seem to have piled on a stone in weight and the lack of exercise this week has made me feel pretty lethargic and I really need a kick up the Blair to get me back on track.

I know what you’re asking. Has this kiddie got it in him to get back on track? You're dead right he has. So, I'm about to embark on a serious bout of pre-London Marathon activity that will put some of our international athletes to shame. First up tomorrow is a trip to Stiletto City to take part in the Brentwood Half Marathon although I have to say I'm not feeling too confident. For a start I'm still full of twinges - and my returning bulk means that I'll probably be struggling to break that 2 hour mark - and that will come as a great personal disappointment to your man here.

Following my personal appearance north of the river tomorrow I've got a hard week on the road and in the gym this week to prepare myself for a 20 Mile Race in Worthing next Sunday. I've been in touch with my Elite Training team and it's pretty imperative that I complete that event in less than 3 hours 20 minutes – so that’s a daunting task to say the least.

I have spent the last few days getting my commercial stuff on track too and I'm conscious that I've not been as forthcoming as I should have been about these activities. You'll appreciate that commercial confidentialities do tend to dictate what can and what can't be made public. But you know - I've always been a bit of a rebel so beggar it! I've decided to expose some of the more murky goings-on in the world of sport by placing in the public domain all my correspondence with the world's top business and political leaders - so watch this space!

Finally this week - some brilliant news. I'm obviously now a leading sporting personality - but did you know that I was also an inventor? Crazy I know - but it's true! And guess what? I've only gone and invented a new running shoe! One that will soon revolutionise the sport of road running and marathon racing - and watch out for a world record soon from your man here!!

It all started when I tried to catch hold of my youngest - the Sod. He'd been up to no-good like many of today's young Herberts and, after returning the stolen items and apologising to the vicar, I decided to give him a bit of a leathering. But I couldn't catch the toerag! The reason is that he's only gone and got caught up in the latest craze in youngster’s footwear - he's got wheels in the heels of his trainers. Heelys they're called. So, every time I tried to give him a right hook, he simply wheeled out of the way! I tried to swing a size 9 boot at his backside only for me to kick fresh air as he pirouetted out of kicking distance!



Which got me thinking.

Now, whilst to you and I the blessed things might just be plain ridiculous - but, hang on. Could we not use these Heely things for running? Well I reckon we could. Except they won't be called Heely's - I'm going to start to capitalise on the Ron brand - so, watch out for the introduction of .... Hillys!!

It stands to reason doesn't it? Run up the hills - then wheel down the other side! I don't know why I haven't thought of it before - so I'm currently building a prototype which I will test out and then when I've refined it and ironed out the bugs I'll be hoping to find myself a race to try them out. What I’m looking for is a downhill race – and then watch out world record!

I'm already prepared a couple of proposals to put Hillys to the big footwear companies and I'll let you see how I get on with trying to get a deal done. But I think I'm on to a winner!

Anyway - it's a sausage sarnie for brunch, a kip, the footie - and then the dreaded trip to Stiletto City tomorrow. I'm no big fan of Essex to be honest - I was scarred for life by my experience of working in the place some years ago. I used to work for a woman who was, quite frankly, the basis for all Essex stereotypes - white stilettos, white Ford Escort Turbo Nutter Thingy car and whose attempts to make herself more attractive to men was limited to putting her legs behind her ears. She also reminded me of the old joke "What is an Essex Girl's favourite wine?" "Aw please take me to lakeside, please ....".

There you go, have a nice weekend.

Keep on tapering.

Ron