Coping with celebrity

Many times since I started this quest for Olympic glory in 2012 I've found myself thrust into the media spotlight and, between you and I, I think I've coped OK. But let me tell you something - this celebrity status isn't everything it's cracked up to be you know.

Take this little spat between a couple of my fans below. You see how easy these things can happen? I show a little encouragement to a couple of pretty young things and before you know it they're at each other with claws bared! To be fair they live in a place a long way away – a place called Canadia which I’m told is miles and miles from civilisation. So whilst I show concern, I also show understanding and I’ll be dropping them both a line to maybe try and encourage them to use their energy in a more positive way.

It's for much the same reason I've stopped popping down to my local Gym - Stallones. I used to enjoy my thrice weekly sessions (4 x rectal lunges with 6 reps; 8 x anal crunches; and the 6 minute pelvic thrust routine which always goes down so well on race day).

I always knew that the young ladies appreciated seeing an elite athlete close up which is why I always made an effort to run through the routine during the Pilates class. But there's always somebody to spoil things isn't there? My problem started when I attracted the attentions of a 94 year old stalker. Things got so bad that she’d wait for me outside my home and follow me down to Stallones on her electric cart - and that is so demoralising. I mean I was pedalling as hard as I could and the pesky woman was still keeping up with me!

Once in Stallones she'd start to bend, twist, gyrate, jump up and down and sweat buckets for an hour. But, by the time she'd got her leotard on I'd finished the chuffin’ routine. And that only used to annoy her even more. I decided enough was enough when she took up pole dancing - it wasn't a pleasant sight as bits of her were still swinging five minutes after she'd stopped dancing! And the noises she made were confusing the heck out of the other gym members who kept thinking it was the coffee machine.

Sadly – although it was a bit of a relief for me - the poor woman died earlier this year on her 95th birthday. Tragic it was - she died at her own birthday party. Not sure what it was that finally finished off the old bird - she seemed to be enjoying her family giving her the bumps.

Not too much activity this week so far. I've been recovering from my long race on Sunday although I might pop out for a quick five miler this afternoon. Friday it's off to Caravan County for the Folkestone 10 and then on Monday we're making an appearance in Lewes for one of those piddling 10Ks.

Thankfully, I've managed to stay clear of injury so far this year - but I woke this morning in a bit of a panic. I think I may have bird flu. I did eat some turkey on Sunday and the symptoms I have are scarily similar to bird flu ie a bit of a temperature, blocked nose, nausea and I've got tired and aching joints.

What really convinced me I could have the dreaded avian thing though is that I've developed an almost irresistible urge to poo on someone's windscreen.

Keep on tapering.

Ron