This kiddie is smoking!!

Well, well it's been almost like a return to old times. And, as Bobby Davro would say, "What a week and a bit I've had"!

I have kept up my new Olympic Gold Medal Winning regime which I've found OK, though Ernie has been a bit lonely. I've not even been out in the Transit for a couple of tubes, choosing instead to stay at home and focus on winning races. No pies, no kebabs, no tubes. God isn't life chuffing boring??

But I suppose you get out of life what you put in and so it was with a keen interest that I dragged myself off to Caravan County last week to feature as an elite runner in the Faversham 10K. Well, Ronettes, all I can say is ... what a revelation I was.

I only went and pasted the rest of the high class field by recording my fastest 10K time since 2007. An hour and a minute precisely was my time and it brought back such happy memories seeing people coughing and spluttering in my wake and to hear and feel too the warmth of the crowd as they collectively gasped in amazement and wonder.

A truly marvellous athletic spectacle it must have been.

But there was more to come. After another week of living like a sodding monk - I hope I don't sound too resentful about my current enforced living regime? - it was another bash at the half marathon yesterday. We popped back to Caravan County for the Folkestone Half Marathon and my objective was to dip below 2 hours 20 minutes. Well the day dawned and we were subjected to some fierce winds and a biting cold morning. To be honest I didn't really fancy it but I couldn't let down the hundreds of people who had turned out to watch me so as I lined up with a load of ordinary people I decided to give it a bash. My strategy was to try and maintain 10 minute mile pace for as long as possible and then coast home - hopefully below that 2 hours 20 mark.

Well something must have clicked in this Olympic body of mine because after 6 miles my watch showed 59 minutes. After 8 miles, it showed 79 minutes; after 9 mile 99 minutes - you getting the picture Ronettes? Indeed after 12 miles, I was on 1 hour 59 minutes. There was a slight glitch at 12.5 miles when I came up against a ruddy big hill and I decided to have a little stroll, but I then sprunt for the line to finish in 2 hours 12 minutes 39 seconds. That was 7 minutes (or half a minute per mile) faster than my target; 15 minutes quicker than my last half two weeks ago and my fastest half marathon since February 2008.

Now if that doesn't seal my place in the Olympic squad God knows what will.

Mind you the effort involved was a tad too much for this finely toned body of mine and some three or four hours later I had something of a funny turn - the Half Share had to pour sugar in my mouth to stop me from slipping into some form of coma thing - but let me tell you the effort was worth it.

That leaves me with just a couple of targets left before leaving for Indialand next month.

This Sunday we're going to practice running up the Himalayas by doing the Lewes Downland 10 Mile race and then we're up in the midlands for missionary work and I'll be starring in the Mansfield 10K, where my target is to complete my first sub 1 hour 10K in yonks. The week afterwards we're in Amsterdam where I'll be gunning for a sub 2.10 Half Marathon and then two days later we fly off to Delhi.

So all in all I seem to be peaking at just the right time. Mentally I am focused as well and I've not even sent in a letter of complaint about being passed over for the England team at the Empire Games next week. Mind you, as soon as the selectors see the results from Folkestone yesterday there will be the smell of blood in the air in Delhi amongst the blazers.

Keep on tapering.

Ron

Back with a vengeance

The training has been going very well if I may say so myself. I've upped my mileage, increased my work rate and started going down to Stallones for something other than an ogle at the ladies in Lycra (there's no hiding place wearing that stuff, you know).

I've also cut out the legendary Ron refuelling sessions and taking to eating this unusual foreign stuff for my lunch - I think they call it salad or something. Anyway the upshot is that I'm not carrying the kind of baggage I was the other week and as a consequence my running performances have improved dramatically. So much so that I'm bound to be a shoe in for the Empire Games.

My first challenge was to up my racing distance and the half marathon was next on the Ron list. Last Sunday I starred in the Kent Half Marathon held up in Caravan County in Margate. Now if you want to see at first hand the effects of a nuclear holocaust then Margate's the place for you. It makes Toxteth look like Mayfair. However, this kiddie wasn’t there for sightseeing - I was there to win.

My underlying objective was to get round the course with as little walking as possible and, Ronnettes, I managed just that. I had the occasional, teensy weensy walk but nothing too much and I reckon I ran well over 12 miles of the course. I finished in just over 2 hours 31 minutes - so I guess that put me in the top ten, so I can't grumble.

Next up this weekend just passed was a trip with the old soaks from Nice Work. I haven’t been away with them for a few months so it was good to catch up with some old friends. And my how old they were too!! But our destination for the weekend was a place called France. We set off on Saturday morning and ended up around lunchtime in a place called The Somme where there was a fight with the Germans once.

We had a very agreeable day on Saturday doing the old touristy bit. Of course it made a real change for me. France is a place I can go without being bothered and I'm virtually unrecognised by the majority of the Frogs. Well, so I thought, but I snuck off to a little bar for a tube or three and happened to pick one I'd been in last year and ... ahem .. well I kind of left without paying the bill. Anyway, that little domestic incident out of the way and I planned an early-ish no-kebab night.

Then I was dragged out for a nightcap.

Well I ask you. I spend all week living like a nunk, starving myself and refusing all tubes and bevs only to let it all go the night before a race. The upshot of it was that I lined up at the start of the Somme Half Marathon with the old nut bouncing like a steam hammer and a mouth as dry as a budgie's cage.

Away from the start - and what do I find? Yup. A Hill. Not just any old hill but a hill that went on for over a kilogram. Well I made it to the top of the hill without stopping ... and promptly brought up my breakfast. Ronnettes, when I tell you that things did not bode well for the next 12 and three quarter miles I am not exaggerating.

But then something happened. I set off on my way and a gentle downhill slope soon had me picking off the backmarkers and after about 3 kilograms I came across a very agreeable young gal who was pottering around and who seemed to want me to latch on to her.
So latch on I did.

In fact we stuck to each other like glue for the rest of the race. The course was hilly and needed some effort but do you know something Ronnettes? Through mutual respect for each other and because we both helped each other in our time of need we not only completed the race without stopping - a major, major achievement for yours truly - but I did it in 2.27.16. Now I know that sounds fast - I came about 7th I think - but it was five minutes quicker than Kent and, indeed, my quickest half for two years.

Impress mange tout?

So I came back from France full of confidence and full of beans - and not a little pride in my achievements.

What's next?

Well I went to Stallones on Monday for a loosener, got in the wrong queue and ended up in the swimming pool. Doesn’t wool get heavy when it’s wet? Last night I went out for a run with The Old People of Hastings and did an hour or so. This weekend we get shut of the Droog as she goes off to spend her inheritance on drugs and LPs at university. That leaves Sunday free so we're off to Caravan County again for a 10K in Faversham. Next up will be two further half marathons in Folkestone and Amsterdam before we make that rather special return journey to Indialand for the Himalaya 100 Mile race.

But more on that later.

Keep on tapering.

Ron