Happy New Year Ronnettes

Well, well what a time of year it is.

The Half Share said that today should be a day of reflection so I stood in front of the mirror for ten minutes this afternoon - God knows what she was on about. Christmas in the Ron household was what you would expect from an elite athletes training camp - plenty of tubes, a Fray Bentos pie-fest on Boxing Day and two tins of Newberry Jelly Fruits.

Bliss.

I managed to get out for a little run on Boxing Day when I went out with the Old People of Hastings for a 4 or 5 mile cross country jaunt. Very pleasant and, without sounding patronising, it's always good to see old people and poor people enjoying themsleves - and if my presence improved their lot for just one hour over what must have been a hard Christmas for them then I feel satisfied. I've done my bit, if you like.

I start my elite athlete training for the London Marathon this weekend and it will need to be head down and focus for the first three months of the new year. And talking of New Year I know what a lot of you are thinking ... you're wondering what my New Year Revolutions are going to be aren't you? Well, Ronettes, here they are - my New Year Revolutions for 2011:

1. Ditch steak and kidney pies in 2011. They are no good for me, they make me pile on the pounds and they are very unhealthy. From now on its meat and potato.

2. Try to be a bit more patient with my fans - so long as they dont take up any more of my time.

3. I thought I might do a bit of charitable work or perhaps spend time with neglected and under-priveleged kids. That sounds like my kids - so I'll go and see them one day.

4. Start drinking Bacardi - it will provide work for poor people in Bacardi land.

5. Stop eating cheese - its cruel and the hens dont like it.

6. Try to hone my three pack body

7. To be more sensitive about the Half Share's feelings - particularly when she tries to cook.

See - I told you I still had the common touch!

Anyway, I must sort out my New Year programme now. I'll be the official celebrity starter at the Kent Christmas Cracker on Sunday and then I have my first competitive outing on the 16th with the Plumpton Classic.

So, to parrot phrase Val Doonican "Happy New Year".

Keep on tapering

Ron

Mint Spy success

I was due to make a well-overdue personal appearance in Swanley on Sunday. The 4.2 mile Swanley Christmas Caper is one of my many annual trips to Caravan County and my Ronettes certainly look forward to my visit.

Unfortunately they are not made of stern stuff in Swanley and they only went and cancelled the bally thing - they reckon it was cold! Harumph I thought I've not kept my Saturday night tube consumption down to a reasonable level to then not go and run. So, we packed our pumps and hi vis balaclavas, climbed aboard Ernie's Transit, chucked the Half Share in the back with a card table and a deck chair so that she could rustle up some sarnies and set off for Peacehaven. The locals were due to hold their annual Mint Spy 10 Mile Race and I thought it would be a useful run out for me.

Well apart from the fact it was very hilly, very cold and very, well, Peacehaven-ish, I did OK. A time of 1.50.28 put me just in the top 300 - and there wasn't a Kenyan in site.

It was a useful run though just to see if the old pins were still up for a stiff one - that's what the Half Share kept muttering anyway. And it was a useful sign of for me as a competitor before Christmas is upon us. I am the guest celebrity starter at two Christmas events this weekend - in Battle for the Christmas Pudding Dash on Saturday and then in Deal for the Kent Christmas Cracker on Sunday.

If you're around for either of them, feel free to throw a tube at the old man eh?

But its a busy old time for an Olympian at this time of year with sponsors engagements and my commitments to various Ronettes - well I'm on the lash with Ernie next Tuesday. Then it will be Christmas - a time of good cheer and presents for me.

I will try and get more Indialand adventures on here before Christmas - but if you don't hear from me its not because I don't care about you or, indeed, have great man-like affection for you. Its because I'll be in the pub.

As Nicholas Wychell would say - "Have a good un me old Chinese"

Keep on tapering

Ron

Hey!! It's Christmas - a time of good beer to all men

Deck the bells with walls and cherries!!

Its Christmas time again. And at times like these my thoughts turn to those ordinary people in the world who are not as fortunate as us elite Olympians. You see I know how difficult it is in these Credit Scratch times when money is tight. Some people even have to have Bernard Matthews turkeys, you know!

I thought that I'd just drop you a seasonal line to let you know how my strict regime has been going – and also share with you my thoughts as we approach this festive period.

I must admit Ronettes that I've taken the foot of the electric this last couple of weeks and my training is not quite what it should be – but I'm confident that I'll get things back on track in the New Year. I've not done too many miles as the place has been stuffed with snow, ice and rain. Training is always difficult when the bad weather comes because the Half Share does struggle to get the path and road clear at Ron Towers – despite me buying her a new shovel for her birthday. So, I decided that I'd have a period of rest and focus instead on tapering and carbo loading. I did though make a couple of personal appearances. I pottered up to Caravan County to help start the Kent Christmas Cracker – and enjoyed helping dish out mullered wine and mint pies to runners. Last Saturday I carried out similar duties at the Christmas Pudding Dash in Battle and it was good to catch up with some of the legion of adoring fans I've assembled. Bit of an issue with the mullered wine and Ernie but I chucked him in the back of his Transit and we got out before the police arrived.

I've got my training plans in place for the New Year and I will be stepping up my mileage as I prepare for my celebrity appearance in next year's London Marathon. I've also got a string of overseas races planned in Cork, Bruges, Paris, Luxembourg, Norway, France, Amsterdam and, of course, my return to Indialand in October. So, it's going to be a busy year for Yours Truly as 2012 begins to loom large. I have also suggested that the Half Share puts her back into it and gets some miles under her belt – and I think she appreciated my concern when I pointed out that her midriff was not supposed to be hanging over her pinny.

So what is life like for an Olympic superstar I hear you shouting? I'm visiting family for a couple of days and I'm currently in a place called the Midlands which is somewhere that people go to to get used accents before visiting the north. I've brought my mate Ernie with me to help with my training programme.

Today is Christmas Eve and I'll be holding my usual Training Planning meeting with Ernie later today. We'll probably pop up to the Horse and Cucumber for a couple of tubes then go for a little tour of local places of worship before settling down with a kebab and watch Spartacus. Christmas Day we'll nip to the Rose and Thorn for a sip with the Landlord before sitting down to the full turkey monte which the Half Share should have defrosted by the time we get home. Then it's a well earned kip on the couch whilst the Cash Drainers sit watching Mary Poppins – and that's what is important for me. Christmas is a time for the kids and as long as they enjoy it then I'm happy. Well so long as they keep out of my way and keep the bally noise down.

I'll be returning to Ron Towers on Boxing Day and there's a small chance that I may make an appearance at a local 10K on Sunday. I'll also be aiming to return to Caravan County on New Year's Day for the Deal Bar Run - it says Bra Run in the papers but I presume thats a typing error.

I'll pop back with my Annual Christmas and New Year Message soon – but in the meantime have a happy and merry Christmas. And kids – remember that at this time of year there are always people worse off than yourself, so make sure you keep all your sweets and chocolates safe. You don't want people trying to pinch em!

In the words of the Bobby Davro song – rom pom pom pom.

Keep on tapering.

Ron

In the bleak midwinter

Well the clocks have moved sideways which means Midwinter will soon be upon us. And as David Dimbleby often says "When the clocks move, its time to get your backside into the groove. Man."

so Ernie and I sat down at the end of our strategic blue cheese session earlier this week to start to put together my 1000 day plan to guarantee London 2012 Olympic glory. There are, indeed, just 1000 days left before the opening of the London games and I'll be sitting down soon with my Olympic mucker Syd Coe to formulate my role in those games (apart, of course, from winning the Marathon).

Ernie and I also looked at a plan to hone my fitness and performance and as part of that he's suggesting that I have a dry November. I considered his proposal for a couple of minutes ... and, you know, Ronettes, I'm almost tempted to give it a try. But all sorts of questions go through your mind when faced with a mental idea like that. "Is Ernie off his nut?". "Will it work?". "Why?". And so on and so on.

But I'll mull on it over the weekend and see what happens.

The other thing I'm mulling over is this bally sponsorship lark. I'm having beggar-all luck in attracting the major corporates to join the Ron bandwagon. So far, I've got Sid Pilkington, our window cleaner, to give me two plastic buckets to hold my used wet towels. Not very impressive for an international athlete eh?

But I do appreciate that we're in the middle of a credit snatch so I know I need to be patient.

But Ernie has suggested that the next time I make a celebrity appearance I organise a mass warm-up exercise and take people through my Pelvic Squirt and Anal Crunch routine. It's not a bad idea though. It would be open to ordinary people and women as well as athletes - so it would also look to widen my appeal as well.

Anyway, I'll think on it.

Off to Caravan County on Sunday for the Deal 5 - should be a shoe-in for a podium finish.

Will let you know how I get on.

Keep on tapering.

Ron

But the show is back on the road

Despite my poor showings this Autumn - all down to a lack of training time plus a bit of a lifestyle issue - I've actually knuckled down over the last fortnight. the Half Share in the House has been very encouraging - she hoyed all my Leffes in the bin! The kids have also padlocked the fridge and, to top it all, I've pulled on the famous Ron Lycra again. Two weeks of intensive training has seen me start to regain my shape.

I'm now offically Oval - an improvement on my Round figure at the start of my new-found enthusiasm. My racing calendar is also starting to fill up and I'm off to Caravan County on Sunday morning to have a bash at the Thanet Coastal 10.

To be honest, it'll be nice to be back amongst my fans and I'm looking forward to carrying out my famous one-fingered press ups on the sea front on Sunday morning. The week after I thought the good people of Swanley would like a PA, so I'm off for the Swanley Christmas Caper. On the 16th I've been honoured to have been selected to be the official starter for the Kent Christmas Cracker in Deal - a feat I'm repeating a week later on the 22nd in Battle at the Christmas Pudding Dash.

So, I'm hoping that within the next four weeks or so, I'll be back to performing more or less world record times.

That's more like it.

2012?

Bring it on - your man is back!!

Keep on tapering.

Ron