OK then - whilst I'm here

I suppose I might as well give you a quick run down of what I've been doing. Not, of course, that it appears to have been worth all the effort, but hey ho.

I've managed a few decent lumps of training in the weeks leading up to Easter. But, as with most elite athletes I have had my share of disappointments too.

March was looking very good. I popped over to Belgiumland to take part in the Ostend to Bruges 10 Mile Race and I had a remarkable race finishing in 1.41.38 which was my fastest 10 mile time in over three years, so happy, happy days indeed. We also had a great time in one my spiritual heartlands and I certainly gave my sponsors at Leffe a great boost to their profile.

Its a funny little country but I do enjoy going there. They're nice people (although I did notice that all the children have square mouths - apparently its to make it easier for them to eat chips) and they are always very hospitable. And, of course, they certainly know how to make a beer. Its also great for running because its mainly flat too! I'll be back Belgiumites!

But what happened after Belgium? Hmm a familiar story Ronnettes. I have to work now for a living thanks to this new Government and so because none of my running exploits are sponsored I found the rest of the month very difficult to find training time. I did a fair amount of PR work though - I was the official starter for the Lydd Half Marathon (gimme six all you Lydd people!!) and undertook a similar job for a race organised by students at Reading University. A strange experience for most of the students because the race started really early in the morning and I'm sure many of them had to go through a real personal journey to get up for 11 o'clock - so well done you chaps. I'll try to remember to bring some soap next year!

I haven't done any more races since Belgium although I did travel with the Nice Work laggards to Paris for the Paris Marathon a couple of weeks ago. I didn't want to run the thing and so I was there as a kind of ambassador for this great country of ours - though if I'd know then what I know now I wouldn't have bothered (yes I am bitter, Coe).

But as we were standing beneath their fake Blackpool Tower the realisation hit me that I wouldn't be able to make one of my biggest appearances of the year - and so I made the decision to withdraw from this year's London Marathon. I am aware, of course, that my decision not to run was greeted with dismay by most (the Kenyans, of course, were delighted) and I just hope that the event was able to recover at least financially. I did offer to lend my mankini to Gordon Ramsay but he was already running in a plastic bum costume so I'll hopefully be able to use it again next year. And you can rest assured that there will be a next year - because take it from me, this kiddie will be running at least one great Marathon on the streets of London in 2012. And my entry has already been confirmed - so stick that in your fridge and smoke it Coe-ey. Take note too Lord Coe - the London mMrathon will always be better than your little one off event. And we'll have better costumes.

But life is for living and as Moira Stewart says 'Let's not get too bitter Henry'. So, I have picked up my running boots and carried on with my training.

My goal for the year now is to train up for an August Marathon and I have decided to take part in the Reykjavik Marathon in Iceland - how cool is that? Iceland is a bleak, desolate landscape with featureless communities full of people who never see daylight from one month to the next. So, to acclimatise I went to the Isle of Wight last weekend and did an 8 mile training run - my longest run since Bruges. On Tuesday evening I also went out with the Old People of Hastings for a tough 6 mile hilly run. Both should hold me in good stead for my next race - which is on Good Friday. The Folkestone 10 is a decent race and I'll be looking to post my fastest Folkestone time since 2007 - and I will if I can dip below 1 hr 47 minutes.

Next Friday I'll be popping over to Bexhill to take part in a little 5K race to celebrate the Royal Wedding (I know, another invite I got. Not.).

So, I'll be back soon to see if we have sorted out this little Olympic entry business thing.

In the meantime - have a good Easter, Ronnetes and may all your eggs be unfertilised.

Keep on tapering.

Ron

Stumbling in the dark

So, your man here enjoyed a weekend of international sport in two of the country's leading centres of sporting excellence.

Reading and Lydd.

On Saturday I joined the eldest Cash Drainer Haille Minogue in a place called Reading which apparently is in a small place called Berks. And all I can say is .... well how appropriate. its full of Berks! Reading is the kind of place your Great Grandparents used to aspire to live in when they were tied to the local cotton mill. Its got lots of concrete, lots of students, lots of pubs and not a lot of character.

Our Haille went there on one of these exchange schemes - we got an ironing board and a new pelmet for the kitchen which the Half Share and I thought was quite good value. But apparently when she reaches an IQ of 50 we have to bring her home. I mean she's not blonde thick - but you wouldn't want her to breed.

So, I felt perfectly at home there. I was there as the Guest celebrity at a 5 mile race to help raise money for some dodgy student cause. I've never understood why students have felt the need to fundraise - I mean they do so well scrounging of us and the State anyway - so why not just cadge a bit more? In any event they probably stuff all the money they do raise on drugs, alcohol and strange magazines.

I tried to adapt to the local way of life - you know, the hung shoulders, the baseball cap back to front and the body with a six pack (mine's just missing the little plastic thing to hold it together). And then we started the race and I twaddled round the first of the two laps just to show a bit of willing before retiring to the bar and a welcome glass of Guinness.

On Sunday we went back to Caravan County to take a look at the Lydd Half Marathon. And if you haven't been to Lydd .... well its the kind of place people from Reading would go to on holiday. They'd certainly feel at home. The Lydd Half Marathon attracted a fair few athletes of varying degrees of ability - but none of them could hold a candle to an Olympian - so I didn't bother running the bally thing.

But ever conscious of the need to up my mileage and my competition - I haven't competed in a race since November - the Half Share and I have entered the Hastings Half Marathon on Sunday. Now Hastings ain't too bad - its a town that was built specifically for fat people to wear sporting clothing. Not to run in, you understand. Just to hang around outside MacDonald's smoking fags. In fact there are more tracksuits stood outside the local fast food outlets than in the chuffing Olympic Village.

But the event ain't too bad - but I am nervous about my stamina and if I'm going to make those Kenyanites eat my dust I needed to get some miles under my pumps. So we went to Hastings on Monday.

And ran home.

Now the theory was fine. A nice Spring day. The evenings getting lighter. Now that's all well and done but the Half Share obviously miscalculated because as we started the 13 mile run back to Ron Towers, the sun was already dipping over the fumes on the horizon. By Mile 3 it was dusk. And by Mile 6 .. pitch flippin' black.

So we ended up running along country lanes with no bally idea of which way the road went - and the whole 13 mile shebang took us 2 hours 45 minutes. It would have taken me a few minutes less but for having to extricate myself from a hedge. In a desperate attempt to escape the tyres a local hooligan farmer driving his tractor I tripped over a hedge root, fell face down in a ditch and crashed through a hawthorn hedge into a field.

Oh how the Half Share thought amusing.

Anyway I might pop out with the Old People of Hastings for a little jog tomorrow . then its down to Hastings on Sunday - I'll let you know how I get on. Podium chance? Mais Wee Senor!!

Keep on tapering.

Ron

I suppose you think that was some kind of joke eh?

So, off I set with a spring in my step, a whistle on my lips and a Leffe in my hand. Off to Belgiumland to do a spot of missionary work, a bit of Olympian gladhanding and do a spot of Leffe carbo loading.

Oh - and the little matter of the Ostend to Bruges 10 Mile Race.

Well thank you God!! Thank you, thank you, thank you.

More to come on my weekend in Bruges - plus exclusive photos of the man himself. But suffice to say, I'd no sooner said Ola to my Belgiumland friends than it was Hasta La Vista as the Krankies used to say. I'd just got stripped down to my orange lycra and Dunlop Green Flashes ... then some clever clog discovered our bus had a puncture!

And because I'd cadged a free ride with the old soaks from Nice Work it was left to your man here to sort it out.

So whilst the rest of them were flying down the canal from Zeebrugges, this kiddie was stood freezing his championchips off, stood like a prat in my yellow Hi-Vis waiting for the Belgiumlandish equivalent of the chuffing AA. And I missed the race.

Miffed?

You bet your sweet waffle I was.

Its no way to treat an Olympian. When I've calmed down I'll bring you more information on what was an interesting couple of days away.

So, nothing can go wrong this weekend can it? Well, after a 9 miler and a 4 miler yesterday I'm gearing up for a weekend of personal appearances. Tomorrow I'm in a place called Reading with a bunch of unwashed students taking part in the St Patrick's 5 Mile Scurry. I'm only there because a) the eldest cash drainer, Haille Minogue is taking part and wanted me to take her some soap and b) there's a smell of Guinness about the place. On Sunday I'm in a place called Lydd for their Half Marathon.

What a life eh?

More news soon.

Keep on tapering.

Ron.